Thursday, June 30, 2011

Finding My Way Back...

I hate admitting this but I've managed to lose myself within the last 3 months.
The regular doctor visits followed by constant every day pain, visits that lead to more pain, problems and stress. The only thing it didn't give me more of is hope of a cure.

All the meds that I've tried have done nothing for the pain. My main doctor wants to focus on anti-depressant meds...which kills my music vibes completely. The last time I was on anti-depressants I became a zombie as my mother would say and I honestly thought that I had grown tired of creating music. Even got to the point where I removed all my programs and software that were music related. After a week, I stopped the meds and in 2 days I was back to creating music again.(after the 2 hours it took me to re-install everything smh).

One of my other doctors that was recommended to me wants to run an attack of tests and all are deemed painful. I have a problem w/ tests causing pain instead of helping to find the problem. I was told it was less than a 50% chance of the test revealing anything......fuck that, I'm good.

At that point I honestly completely lost myself into the weed. It wasn't fixing the pain, but it was the only thing that would help me ignore it. What I didn't predict was the backlash of depression that came w/ it. I work for a delivery company and my body does not give a fuck when I'm working when it starts hurting. So it's like either I have to smoke before I go into work or immediately afterwards. Most smokers wouldn't mind...but I smoke for different reasons unfortunately.

It's different smoking chronic for pain instead of socially or "for kicks".
I'm the only person I know that smokes so that the burning pain doesn't force me to do something stupid. I am not trying to fall back into the suicide realm I was in 3 years ago before I started making beats.

Since my recent faze, I've not been on the internet as much except for a quick visit on twitter or facebook. Damn near forgot about the blog(I'm sorry for those who do check my blog, I became extremely anti-social). I can say the only thing that really woke me up was when I got on facebook last week and one of my peoples told me that the homie Show(Show TuFli)released a promo video and my production was behind the song. Once I seen the video, self re-programming started.

The music is alive...for the most part. I've still been working on my projects on and off. The only issues is the pain mixed w/ the weed abuse has forced out a rather depressing sound. I'm keeping what sounds hot and replacing the deep-negative tunes.

Sent some new beats to Signif yesterday...I was announced as being part of the new album's productin which is in progress for September. Working on some more gems for her in the next few minutes.

My EP's will be released, enough said.

No more beat-tapes...time to move forward.

If the EP's are rejected...I'll possible continue the "Soultape beat-tape series".

LMK, Digs, y'all, hope you guys are all in good spirits.


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