Wednesday, May 13, 2009

New Life/Old Memories

::New Life::
Say hello to Jakayla, born May 8th 2009, my god-daughter.
In the pic is her daddy/ my right hand man(pause)Dex.
I'm so proud of my boy. He holding his girl down with her three kids and now there new born daughter. Not every man is willing to except a woman of her situation but she been good to him and vice-versa. Seem like a few years ago me and this dude was wrestling/play fighting/politicking etc and now we grown men having families....except mine was stolen from me(more on that in the 2nd half of the post).
All the trails me and this man done been thru and he ask me to be the god-father of his daughter.....that meant alot to me. True loyalty is rare in all me. So I put extra value in that and thats us. Thats my brother right there. I got his mom's name tatted on my left arm (may she rest in peace, we miss you Miss. Rita) so its deeper than blood.....permanent ink.

::Old Memories::
I envy my boy Dex. He found that person that loves him for him and she gave birth to his little girl Friday. So that day you know I had to support my boy. Today I went to visit them for the 1st time since they got home from the hospital. My boy asked me if I wanted to hold Jakayla. Nervous I was at 1st, I never held a new born before. Once she chilled in my arms I felt something that I haven't felt in awhile.
Peace. As if the world became silent and nothing mattered. I think because I haven't been in the presence of innocence in such along time. Then, that moment was clouded by old memories.
In the beginning of 2008, my girl I was dating at the time told me she's pregnant. I admit, I wasn't thrilled at 1st but once reality sat in, I was ready and excited. I felt older and that I matured over night but I was happy for awhile. 6-7 months into the pregnancy, this idiot ex-girlfriend of mine wants to walk 3-4 miles each day because she couldn't stand to be alone home for 6 or so hours while I'm at work.
To make a long story short, she had a miscarriage. And to top things off that's when we found out she was having twins.
I haven't been the same since, I feel robbed.
I blame her but I can't put everything on her but she made the choices she made.
I hate her.

3 months after the miscarriage....she's engaged to some white boy(not racist, I'm mixed, fuck off, I'm venting)

When I held Jakayla today, all those emotions came back. I should be a father right now. I don't necessary want a baby but I feel like mine have been taken thanks to an idiot woman I dated. Everything happens for a reason....maybe it wasn't time yet.
Still though...

::Leaves Kinetic Card::


aaronValentine said...

WOW man this is deep! Congrats on your God-daughter. That's a great feeling when you have somebody that you can trust with your life and vice-versa. I'm sorry to hear bout what happened wit ya ex too. But in all honesty, if she pulls wack shit like that then you didnt want her to be your babies mother. But I can still only imagine what its like to be expectin and have it taken from you. But things happen for reason. Just keep that in mind.

Anonymous said...

Aww congrats on being a godfather :D i was also moved by your miscarriage post later on and wow...i never been pregnant or had a abortion and honestly, it seems like i DON'T want them but deep down I do [WITH THE RIGHT PERSON!!] and since I'm really fighting these negroes so I can find what I REALLY want [not a sorry dude lol] but its all to the good. Just think that the babies are in Heaven and who knows...the next go round might be a little better AND with the right woman :D

So yea its cool and I'm STLL slowing down on the smoking tip [its weird] and i LOVE to smoke but i find myself wanting to do less of it. I'm never quitting!! lol

haha take care [we should message, IM, ect....] it seems like I have alot more to say

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