The Rise & Fall...

1st, I would like to thank everyone who commented in the last post. All input was very useful. I've updated the music-player with a few beats, I'll throw some more up this weekend. Download the SoultapeLvLZer0 to your right if you haven't already.

"SoultapeLvL3: The Burning Ace" will be my last beat-tape which I will release sometime during the summer. Reasons why are mainly I want to focus on giving my best to the artists I've been lucky to work with rather than just throwing out beats for any or everyone to use. And I often fear people not giving me the proper credit. I work hard on my music....someone claiming it as there work just breaks my heart thinking about it. Also, if all goes well with my plan for a release this month...there really won't be a need for me to just put out beat-tapes....but the sound of "Soultapes" will continue in my vocal-projects.

"Code 4:20" ...my vocal-rap project...title subject to change as the project progresses. But as the current title hints, it will be a smoker-based-project...w/ soul of course. If this goes the way I want it to go, the "Soultape" series will pick up from here. So as I said, the title may change.
I'm aiming for 10-12 tracks, completely produced by me. Most of the production is complete, it's the recording I have to knock out. The thing that is messing with me is that I could possible lose the little sanity I have left while writing and recording. What most people don't find out about me is that, it's not that I cannot write, rhyme or rap. It's that I don't normally take it upon myself to focus on it. Making beats relaxes me. I get lost in the music rather then visiting thoughts that are in my head. The "visiting thoughts in my head" part is what I fear. I have a lot of hidden anger and issues stored. And writing makes it all come back.

A few months ago Precyse and myself was toying with the idea of doing a project together with both of us flowing over a hand-picked selection of Fat Jon beats. We recorded two songs, the 1st was ok. Then the 2nd one....I blacked. That's the side that worries me. I lost my composure within seconds. I became very angry. That dark side has gotten me into a lot of trouble and I've hurt a few people who I intended no harm in my past. Granted, I was in pain while recording and I feel that's what might have made me enter that vibe but before the pain was as bad as it is at my current age, back in my teens I wasn't in as much pain or as often but I would find myself in that dark vibe. I've worked hard to not go that route anymore, but that fucker finds ways to drag me back in. In the past, people in general made me that way.....the physical pain of today is like a broken temper switch that cuts on with or without the help of people. ::Sighs:: ....but anyway. I'm always getting the push to do this project from associates, artists that I work with, family/true friends, old friends that have heard me flow from my teenage years....even my mother. So I'm going to try it. But...........
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...don't say I didn't warn you.

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Cajun Chaos

I'm not normally a big Rihanna fan...after the last few days and the amount of anger I've been holding in, I finally found a sample to vent to. I was so heated earlier that I couldn't even make close to a good sounding beat...until I ran upon Rihanna's "Mad House" song. It's only an intro into her new CD...but an hell of an intro. So I turned the intro into something full.

Why I'm heated? It's dealing with my job and my muscle disorder. I got hired as a cashier at Walmart...but I always end up pushing carts outside....how the fuck does that work? And the CSM's think I'm not serious about the amount of pain I go thru. Standing still for hours is bad enough for my left thigh muscle and the center of my back....pushing carts just triples what was hurting and starts what wasn't hurting into hurting. For the pass 2 weeks every time I go to work near the middle of my shift I get taken off my register and told to go push carts. Mind you, we have cart-pushers. But for whatever reason every time I work there's either one or no cart pushers. I wouldn't bitch about it if I wasn't in pain while doing it. So when I say something I get yelled at with no respect. Nah...I told the guy today, don't you ever yell at me again. Talk to me how you want to be spoken to or we're going to have a problem. Also told him next time find someone else. We supposedly have 500 employees...get one of the other 499 employees to do it or get an actual cart-pusher employee. I applied for cashier for a reason instead of stock or cart pusher. I physically cannot bare it. Then after-wards, having to walk home doesn't help neither.

Whatever....back to the music.
I'm going to put up links to beats that I've made that are currently for sale.
I'll do it after I get some rest 1st.
But for ill beats there pretty cheap and the beat website should be up any day.

Cajun Choas.mp3 - Gambitt

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I Hate It When I'm Like This.

Some people take my niceness for a weakness.....big mistake.
I took a girl under my wing when she had a hard time. Her mom's was beating her upside the head and shit. We beefed before it happen and she told me to lose her number and forget that I met her and I blacked on her in return on how she threw our friendship away and what was building to be more.

A week later she comes to my house and apologized...not even 5 minutes after the apology she asks me can she move in cause she needed somewhere else to stay.

I knew at that moment that something wasn't right....meaning, in my head I thought "your only here apologizing because you know I have my own townhouse. If I didn't have this townhouse you wouldn't be here right now." But I said yes...sure...I will help you. We was tight for about a month and she agreed to my rules of the house. She even said she didn't even want anyone to know where she stayed. While time passed she told me about her ex-boyfriend who was locked up that did her all types of wrong, including cheating, hitting on her, giving her chlamydia, getting locked up over dumb shit, wasting her money, everything bad that I shouldn't know about a nigga. She basically programed me to hate this dude.

A month later(about 3-4 weeks ago from now) she asks me can she have company in my room. We shared a room at 1st which was my room, except I slept in the living room while I let her sleep in my bed and all my stuff was still there. So at 1st I was like nah...but than I thought let me be fair...everyone deserves there privacy. So I said go ahead. She didn't tell me it was her ex-boyfriend that she told me about and let the nigga stay the night at my house. 4:30am while I'm making a beat I'm hearing all this noise from upstairs.....niggaz fuckin in my damn bed.

:::Closes eyes....deep breath:::

11:30am I walk in my room to get me a change of cloths like I normally do and these niggaz in my bed....told her to never do that shit again but she says they didn't do anything.......I must look fuckin stupid or something. 1st of all I didn't say the nigga could even spend the night.....let alone sleep in my damn bed.

No man is suppose to sleep....let alone fuck....in my bed other than me.

To cut a very long story short...we went from being all super-tight to barely speaking. This is all on her part and then she tells me we can't chill like that no more because now she has a man. Mind you we never did anything that was out of line of being a friend. We watched anime together and she'll write to my beats and sometimes we'll go shopping. Being that she knows about my muscle disorder she would always come and check on me. All that stopped like it never happen.

I told her to never let that nigga spend the night here again. He don't pay rent here so he don't need to be here. And I have major trust issues....and I also believe association breeds similarities....I won't nothing in common with that young nigga (he just turned 20....I'm 24). My house, my rules....you don't like....leave.

Turns out she been sneaking the nigga in late at night and sneaking the nigga out early in the morning. My room mates dimed her out, they thought I made things coo for her to do that.....I did no such thing. So 1:45am this morning while I'm having a cigarette(which I quit years ago but I was trying to not flip) I sent her a text saying basically "yo I found out, take the nigga home"....no response.....so I call her phone....no response....I wait until about 2:05am....nothing......I don't like being ignored.

Walked my ass up stairs, banged on the door....these muthafuckas not even sleep.....I blacked. Told her you can't respect me or my home, you can leave with that nigga. Ol'boy said something like "aiight aiight". If I wasn't pissed before....I damn sure became then.

Before I could yoke that nigga up she brings his diseased ass home and I chilled with one of my roommates(Big Shawn) and politic with him until I finally got out of "Ragin' Cajun" mode.

I really try hard to not be an asshole which is what I'm known for. I don't like myself when I'm like that but I can break your fuckin world...mentally. I will send your world terror-sending down into a spiraling pit of your own ignorance's. Its easy for me....and I enjoy it. But I shouldn't and nor do I want to...but I can and I will if pushed. I'm leaving a few things out but trust me I was pushed. I will air our more details tomorrow after I sleep. I hate a fuckin religious hypocrite.

"Ever notice once in awhile you come across somebody you shouldn't of fucked with?.......that's me."-Clint Eastwood, "Gran Torino"

::::Leaves Kinetic Card::::
:::Explodes:::
:Black-Gambitt:

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